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Getting Things Done Whilst Being “Hysteric” My Experience as a Woman Being Called “Hysteric” by a Peer in 2023

By Annabel Roest.

Today, we often assume that gender stereotypes and subtle biases have diminished significantly compared to times gone by. However, as a young woman studying in a very multicultural and diverse educational environment, I recently had a first-hand experience that shattered this illusion. During a heated online discussion (I know – these things always end in tears…) between the organising team from two university committees, collaborating on a joint event, a fellow student, what I have since felt is a derogatory term, labelling me as “hysteric.” 

This not only left me feeling invalidated and belittled but also shed light on the prevailing gender biases that are still very much present in our educational institutions. I had such a strange reaction to this word and thought that it must represent something more significant than I had initially perceived. Feeling angry yet still weirdly shamed and confused, I struggled to fully understand why I felt the way I did and desperately searched for what I could say or do to counteract this totally outdated comment. I felt that the word was used to disarm me and undermine my leadership contribution and assertions. (For context, I also happened to be the sole female member of the leadership team for this project out of four of us, and I held a higher position of authority to the person who called me “hysteric”). I wondered then how and why did I find myself in this situation and no one else? Was I, in fact, just being “hysteric” and problematic for no real reason? Or was it because I had a strong opinion and was not willing to compromise on my values and expectations? I also considered whether the same word would be used by the same person when discussing or interacting with my other male peers or if this word was locked and loaded and reserved only for members of my gender…

As a person who likes to channel personal experience into growth and productivity, I thought I would rationalise these feelings through words. So, I want to explore the impact of such a gender-based derogatory term, a brief historical context behind the term “hysteric,” and the real need for a shift in perspective to promote gender equality.

Understanding the Power of Words:

Words hold such immense power; we are taught this in kindergarten. They can uplift, empower, and inspire, but they can also wound, diminish, and perpetuate harmful stereotypes and very negative ideals. The term “hysteric” is rooted in a longstanding historical context, often used to undermine and dismiss women’s emotions and concerns. Its usage in a modern educational setting, like in my situation, demonstrates how deeply ingrained these gender biases are and the work that still needs to be done to dismantle them. As a language graduate, I understand that words hold power in different ways and nuances depending on how they are translated. This is relevant because the person who called me “hysteric” does not have English as their first language. But I ask, is this really an excuse?  

Taking the three Latin languages, French, Italian and Spanish and examining translations further, we can see that there is actually a very similar meaning across all three languages:

  • In French, the equivalent term for “hysteric” is “hystérique.” It carries a similar meaning to the English term, referring to someone who displays excessive or uncontrollable emotions. However, it’s worth noting that the historical context and connotations associated with the term may vary. (I spoke to some French friends following the incident and asked them if in French the word is ever used when describing a man, which they replied was a super rare occurrence, which I found fascinating).
  • The Italian equivalent of “hysteric” is “isterico” or “isterica” depending on the gender of the person referred to. Like its English counterpart, it typically refers to someone who exhibits excessive emotional or irrational behaviour. The word is primarily used to describe women rather than men. It stems from the historical notion of “hysteria” as a female-specific disorder associated with emotional instability. While the term itself does not exclusively apply to women, it has traditionally been more commonly associated with women due to these historical connotations.
  • In Spanish, the term “hysteric” can be translated as “histérico” for males and “histérica” for females. Similarly, it refers to someone who demonstrates exaggerated emotional responses or irrational behaviour.

A Very Brief Historical Context of “Hysteric”:

The term “hysteria” traces back to ancient Greek times when it was believed that a wandering womb caused emotional and physical disturbances in women (Online Etymology Dictionary, 2023). 

This notion continued into the Victorian era, where it was widely used to pathologise women’s emotions and experiences and deeply belittle female struggle. Women who dared to express their opinions or deviated from societal norms were easily dismissed as “hysterical”, and this condition was actually categorised as a psychiatric disease (along with homosexuality) until 1980 (Rewire News Group, 2019). It was believed that the uterus could move within a woman’s body, causing physical and emotional distress. Symptoms of “hysteria” included (but were not limited to): emotional instability, gloomy and melancholic behaviour, sexual disturbances (such as frigidity, promiscuity, loss or increase of sexual appetite) and sensory disorders (including hallucinations, hypersensitivity or altered sense of taste, smell or touch). 

Women were frequently disregarded, misunderstood, and given inappropriate treatments because of this broad variety of physical and emotional ailments that were attributed to “hysteria”. These symptoms were rooted in patriarchal views and societal control rather than scientific facts or a thorough understanding of women’s health. “Hysteria” as a term undercut the agency, credibility, and autonomy of women, ultimately discrediting their experiences, and pushing them to the periphery of society.

Though we have come a long way since then, remnants of this historical bias still obviously persist today, and instances like these provide us with a great opportunity to reflect and try to understand why still using words like these are so problematic in modern society.

Impact on Women’s Voices:

As previously mentioned, being called “hysteric” by a peer has profoundly impacted me. Not only did it aim to undermine the validity of my assertions, but it also served to silence my voice and dismiss my emotions, especially in a group situation where it was done in front of a watching audience. This incident highlighted the systemic issue of women being labelled as overly emotional or irrational when expressing their thoughts or concerns, which is not a new phenomenon for me to have to deal with in my own personal life. Such derogatory language propagates the notion that women’s opinions are less valuable or less worthy of consideration than those of their male counterparts. I remember reading a book a while ago that noted that the best way for women to win arguments with men was by ‘avoiding getting too emotional’ and ‘using calm logic’ (I shall keep this book anonymous for its own protection…!) but I find this incredibly troubling. Passing around ideas like these is highly harmful in any setting. Of course, we need to note and understand that men and women do communicate differently, that is true enough, but it is not helpful to perpetuate the notion that in order for a woman to be fully understood or listened to by a man, she must make herself agreeable and pleasant to listen to. 

In the same vein, women often face unique challenges when attempting to communicate assertively without being labelled as aggressive. Society has long been influenced by gender stereotypes that prescribe a women’s temperament to be nurturing, accommodating, and gentle. Women can be perceived as threatening or pushy when they deviate from these expectations and assert themselves confidently. The double bind arises where women are expected to be assertive but not too assertive, striking a delicate balance that is rarely expected of men. This societal bias often undermines women’s credibility and hinders their ability to communicate their ideas, needs, and boundaries effectively. Overcoming these challenges requires acknowledging the existing limitations, dismantling gender biases, promoting inclusive communication styles, and recognising that assertiveness is a valuable trait for all genders.

To address the concept of differing intercultural interpretations, I have studied Effective Communication as part of my master’s course, and I understand that there can often be many barriers to communication, including semantic, cultural, and psychological/attitude barriers. These are in turn caused by varied connotative meanings, diversity of cultures and moods, attitudes, and interpersonal relationships. We are all different and come from different places and experiences, each with different languages and different perceptions of reality. However, I genuinely believe that it is our joint responsibility to recognise these differences and try to improve our levels of understanding and comprehension so that we can build on the barriers and unfortunate actions of the past and try to find effective solutions that don’t leave members of any team feeling belittled or misunderstood.  

Shifting Perspectives for Gender Equality going forward:

The most important thing to remember is that you must be able to separate how you feel about someone versus how they make you feel. The person who said this to me is a great and fun person to be around. However, they made me feel small, belittled, and unseen/heard as I momentarily questioned my own value. When they apologised, I was further undermined and told next time to be more cooperative and not to cause drama … This demonstrated to me that they had no idea of the effects of their words nor the maturity level at this stage to try to understand where I was coming from and fix it properly, reaching a state of mutual respect. I would have appreciated a conversation from their side to further understand why they thought the word was alright to use in the first place, for me to better appreciate how to approach situations like these next time. I am always a big believer in open dialogue and an honest conversation. 

However, moving forward, I must take care to defend my personal boundaries whilst also being open to an informative and enlightening conversation in the future, should they be open to it, where we can discuss the harm that the use of that word carries. But for now, it is important for me to protect my own energy and focus on moving forward. 

To achieve true gender equality, it is crucial to challenge and dismantle gender stereotypes and subconsciously imposed ideas through derogatory terms like “hysteric.” However, I am by no means saying that it is only men that are the problem (absolutely not!). I want to emphasise the collective effort that men and women alike should take not to use this word and to challenge users to think more about why they chose this word, when it happens. We need to consider and point out that words like “hysteric” carry with them a deeper, more loaded context. Going forward, we should encourage more open discussions in schools, workplaces or at home to sensitise people to the impact of their words and actions and help them understand when a word has a particularly derogatory gender bias attached to it.

Women need to be encouraged to find their voices and express themselves freely without fear of judgement or marginalisation. By empowering women to be assertive, we can counter the stereotypes that silence their perspectives. Fellow females: it’s our job to call it out as we see it. 

I also encourage male allies to speak up against gender-based derogatory terms and challenge sexist behaviour. Allies play a crucial role in creating an inclusive and respectful environment where all voices are heard and valued. Ultimately, we need to reach a place in contemporary thinking where a male or female should understand by themselves when a word or action has the power to belittle, without the need of someone else telling them so.

The last word:

Being called “hysteric” by a peer served as a stark reminder of the pervasive gender biases that still exist in our society. It is essential to recognise the power of words and the impact they have on shaping our perspectives. By challenging derogatory terms, no matter the context they are used in, and promoting a culture of equality and respect, we can create an environment where all voices, regardless of gender, are valued. Let us strive for a future where derogatory terms and stereotypes have no place and where all voices are truly heard and celebrated.

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